So after yesterday, and my rant of my boyfriend being a jerk about my boyfriend. He comes home last night and is great to me. Talks about how he's day was and what we're doing this weekend. And then when we went to bed he told me He loved me more. So I feel bad.
I love him so much. So maybe things will work out for us.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I'm In Love Alone?
Well, Welcome to my life.
I'm Jessa, 24 and completely lost with what I'm meant to do in life. Don't get me wrong, I used to have so many plans, so much on the list to do. But along the way I forgot to or I just didn't do any of it. I was meant to get married in 2008 instead I left him and moved back home. We were going to have children this year. And it's not that I want him back, I don't. It's just there was plans. We had plans.
I have a boyfriend. He's almost 2 years younger then me. We've been together for over a yr now and live together. With a house mate and currently her cousin his girlfriend and their 3 yr old. But that's another story.
Back to the Boyfriend. Well he's great, most of the time, like when we're not fighting. or arguing. He doesn't talk about emotions. At all. And I just need to know what the f#ck is going on in his head. But I'm left outside alone. Wondering what to think, about everything. He doesn't like to talk about anything. And I've never had a boyfriend who's kept this much to himself. And I'm scared. I'm scared he's not as in love with me as I am with him. And I don't want to be that girl. You know, that girl that would do anything for their boyfriend and he doesn't even notice it. It's like there's walls about around him, I get messages through but he doesn't know how to return the messages. :( He tells me it's cos this is his first real relationship, but I'm sick of the excuses he makes for not remembering that I'm here. I want to mean everything, I deserve to mean everything! I've put up with enough to deserve to mean everything.
I feel sad and just want to get stupidly drunk and forget all my problems. Which is how I used to deal with this sort of situation. When I was a teenager, get my heart hurt and I get drunk. It sounds good right now!
Jessa.
I'm Jessa, 24 and completely lost with what I'm meant to do in life. Don't get me wrong, I used to have so many plans, so much on the list to do. But along the way I forgot to or I just didn't do any of it. I was meant to get married in 2008 instead I left him and moved back home. We were going to have children this year. And it's not that I want him back, I don't. It's just there was plans. We had plans.
I have a boyfriend. He's almost 2 years younger then me. We've been together for over a yr now and live together. With a house mate and currently her cousin his girlfriend and their 3 yr old. But that's another story.
Back to the Boyfriend. Well he's great, most of the time, like when we're not fighting. or arguing. He doesn't talk about emotions. At all. And I just need to know what the f#ck is going on in his head. But I'm left outside alone. Wondering what to think, about everything. He doesn't like to talk about anything. And I've never had a boyfriend who's kept this much to himself. And I'm scared. I'm scared he's not as in love with me as I am with him. And I don't want to be that girl. You know, that girl that would do anything for their boyfriend and he doesn't even notice it. It's like there's walls about around him, I get messages through but he doesn't know how to return the messages. :( He tells me it's cos this is his first real relationship, but I'm sick of the excuses he makes for not remembering that I'm here. I want to mean everything, I deserve to mean everything! I've put up with enough to deserve to mean everything.
I feel sad and just want to get stupidly drunk and forget all my problems. Which is how I used to deal with this sort of situation. When I was a teenager, get my heart hurt and I get drunk. It sounds good right now!
Jessa.
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