I'm In Love Alone?

Well, Welcome to my life.

I'm Jessa, 24 and completely lost with what I'm meant to do in life. Don't get me wrong, I used to have so many plans, so much on the list to do. But along the way I forgot to or I just didn't do any of it. I was meant to get married in 2008 instead I left him and moved back home. We were going to have children this year. And it's not that I want him back, I don't. It's just there was plans. We had plans.
I have a boyfriend. He's almost 2 years younger then me. We've been together for over a yr now and live together. With a house mate and currently her cousin his girlfriend and their 3 yr old. But that's another story.
Back to the Boyfriend. Well he's great, most of the time, like when we're not fighting. or arguing. He doesn't talk about emotions. At all. And I just need to know what the f#ck is going on in his head. But I'm left outside alone. Wondering what to think, about everything. He doesn't like to talk about anything. And I've never had a boyfriend who's kept this much to himself. And I'm scared. I'm scared he's not as in love with me as I am with him. And I don't want to be that girl. You know, that girl that would do anything for their boyfriend and he doesn't even notice it. It's like there's walls about around him, I get messages through but he doesn't know how to return the messages. :( He tells me it's cos this is his first real relationship, but I'm sick of the excuses he makes for not remembering that I'm here. I want to mean everything, I deserve to mean everything! I've put up with enough to deserve to mean everything.

I feel sad and just want to get stupidly drunk and forget all my problems. Which is how I used to deal with this sort of situation. When I was a teenager, get my heart hurt and I get drunk. It sounds good right now!

Jessa.